My social media feed delivered dozens of dad stories and photographs over the weekend. I shared one of my own memories ahead of Fathers Day, recalling a time in high school when I was surprised to learn that my father had been bragging to acquaintances as he exaggerated my athletic abilities. Apparently he was too proud to see the truth of my weaknesses on a basketball court. In his telling, I came across as a star.
For me, this is a good memory. It’s proof that my father supported me. But there is a tinge of regret in many of the remembrances that I’ve read this weekend from friends describing their fathers. They wish they had taken more time and initiative to ask their fathers about their experiences as young people.
I understand that desire to know more. It really kicks in after our parents have died.
If I could go back and talk with my father, maybe I’d ask about his high school job at an ice cream parlor in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. I know he was working to save money for college. He had put back $1,200 by the time he graduated from Oak Ridge High School in 1953. I learned that detail in a 1961 newspaper article about an award he was receiving at his medical school graduation. That clipping surfaced just a few years ago.
So now I’d like to know more. For example, how did my father handle things at around age 16 when he became manager of the ice cream parlor — a promotion the owner gave him despite my grandfather’s blunt assessment that it was too much responsibility for a kid.
In a version of this story I’ve heard, my grandfather told the owner something like, “I think it’s a crazy idea, but y’all do what you want. I won’t stop it.”
I’m not sure what happened next.
We all have these unfinished narratives in our families.
It takes intention and an early awareness of how quickly time is passing to gather stories while we can.
Today during coffee hour at my church, a parishioner told us about the memories she’s been writing down for her children and grandchildren. She received a StoryWorth subscription for Christmas. It’s a tool that gives the recipient prompts so they can write stories their descendants will want to save.
Another option is to record oral histories — using audio or video — with older family members.
A good place to learn about doing these interviews (which are really just structured conversations) is through the University of Kentucky’s Louie B. Nunn Center for Oral History. More than 17,000 oral histories are stored at the Nunn Center. The collection is recognized internationally for its facility and technology.
You don’t need special training to do these interviews. You just need the curiosity and motivation to pursue them.
Here’s hoping all the father figures have enjoyed their special weekend. As one wise friend said on Facebook, some of the best fathers out there are single moms who carry a heavy load for their children.
Happy Fathers Day to them all.
Jennifer P. Brown is co-founder, publisher and editor of Hoptown Chronicle. You can reach her at editor@hoptownchronicle.org. She spent 30 years as a reporter and editor at the Kentucky New Era. She is a co-chair of the national advisory board to the Institute for Rural Journalism and Community Issues, governing board president for the Kentucky Historical Society, and co-founder of the Kentucky Open Government Coalition.
